Alone Inside My Shadow

Tonight my thoughts lead me to a place where I am wondering within my shadow.  In a way, I might describe it more as having two central nervous systems inside one mind.  There is the one nervous system that celebrates an ordinary schedule and is happily capable of performing it all.

Then there is this underlying electricity of the immediacy and urgency of everything, as if  one has just bumped the trashcan off the end of the world.  It’s this staring mortality in the face which is in a very real way the only time we are really alive.

Although I think that times when I’m mindlessly walking around holding my baby to keep her from crying, might be more the thing I’ll think about on my death bed.  I think I will remember the experiences givin by the first nervous sysem in my mind which happily and quite by rote, has me doing the glorious task of living, raising a baby and a prescooler, making videos, albums, teaching people how to play guitar…I only accomplish these things by the Under Control nervous system, not the Face Of Death one.

The problem is The Face of Death makes the muscles twitter while the happily In Control nervous system moves me, so I never qiute know where it’s at, man. It’s like two separate realities taking place in one mind at the same time.

Can anyone out there relate?

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